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~ J Clay Norton, Ed.D.

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Category Archives: Conflict

What we think is negativity can be very positive for your leadership health… Think guardrails…

13 Friday Feb 2026

Posted by The Book Chamber in Boundaries, Christian Worldview, Clarity, Classroom Leadership, Conflict, Conviction, Courage, Deciding, Decisions, Education, Educational Leadership, Focus, Integrity, Leader, Leadership, Mission, Purpose, Vision

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As a former math teacher, I could fundamentally explain that two negatives make a positive, but that would probably bore you. However, when it comes to leadership, the equation is far more interesting. In leadership, many negatives can actually yield profoundly positive results.

One of the most powerful and most underutilized tools in leadership is the word “no.” Or perhaps it is simply misunderstood, because it almost always comes across as negative.

Many leaders struggle to say it and to accept it. We want to be seen as supportive, empowering, and collaborative. At the same time, we want others to say yes to us. We fear that saying “no” will disappoint people, limit opportunity, or damage morale. And honestly, we do not like hearing it either.

So, as leaders, do we say yes too often? Yes to this? Yes to that? Some say yes to whatever is asked. Others say yes simply to keep the peace.

But every yes costs something.
Time. Energy. Attention. Clarity.

When “no” is never said, it can open the floodgates. What begins as a small ripple effect can quickly become a current that pulls the entire organization off course. An organization slowly loses alignment. Vision becomes fuzzy. Priorities compete. Teams burn out. Ironically, the attempt to stay positive by avoiding negativity can cause long-term, sometimes irreversible, damage.

Healthy leadership understands that “no” is not rejection; it is protection, even if we only see it clearly afterward.

No protects the mission from distraction.
No protects the team from overload.
No protects values from compromise.
No protects culture from confusion.

Saying no requires courage because it invites discomfort. It may lead to difficult conversations. It may create temporary tension. But clarity always outperforms chaos. A focused organization will accomplish more than a scattered one.

From a Christian worldview, this paradox is not surprising. The Ten Commandments are primarily stated in the negative: “You shall not…” At first glance, they appear restrictive. Yet they are profoundly life-giving. Each “do not” protects something beautiful: our trust, our faithfulness, our integrity, our rest, and our reverence. The negative wording guards a positive outcome. Boundaries create freedom. Limits cultivate flourishing.

Leadership works the same way. Clear “no’s” protect the organization’s mission. Constructive criticism protects future success. Honest confrontation protects relationships. When handled with humility and wisdom, negative moments become protective guardrails rather than destructive forces.

In fact, a leader’s health can often be measured by their ability to understand that “no” can be a positive, whether said or heard, without guilt. When you are secure in your calling and clear on your purpose, “no” becomes easier. It becomes strategic. It becomes generous. It becomes positive.

So perhaps the math lesson still applies after all. Two negatives make a positive, not because negativity is good in itself, but because it can be redeemed. Leadership health is not the absence of negativity. It is the ability to transform it. When you learn that “no” creates life-giving boundaries, you discover that what once felt like subtraction or division is actually addition and multiplication.

As you step into your role today, remember that you are not just an educator and leader but a shaper of the future. Your actions and decisions profoundly impact the lives of those you guide. Go, be the great educator and leader that our future needs.

Remember… Think Leadership and Be For Others…

©2026 J Clay Norton

Want more Leadership Thoughts? Follow me on… X @thebookchamber or follow the blog directly.

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The Tension of Conflict and the Conflict of Tension…

31 Friday Oct 2025

Posted by The Book Chamber in Adaptability, Adversity, Conflict, Education, Educational Leadership, Leader, Leadership, Tension, Useful, Value

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In all of society today, it seems, leaders regularly navigate both tension and conflict, and then, maybe some do not. While the two are often used interchangeably, understanding their distinct nature is key to sound leadership. I’m currently reading the leadership book, Pivot or Die, by Gary Shapiro. In it, Shapiro emphasizes adaptability and agility in leadership, arguing that in a rapidly changing environment, the ability to “pivot” is crucial. For educational leaders, this means recognizing which situations call for a strategic pivot, and distinguishing whether what is present is productive tension (a sign of potential) or entrenching conflict (a sign of breakdown).

Everyone wants a definition…

So, what is tension?

Tension refers to the healthy “stretching” that occurs when people or teams work toward a goal but face differing views, ambiguity, or high stakes. As I was searching for some thoughts about this, I found this in John Maxwell’s leadership blog¹: “tension is different than conflict because it’s a sliding scale… there are plenty of differing opinions, and often there’s even strong disagreement. Still, doors remain open and people continue to work together.” 

In an educational leadership school context, tensions might surface as teachers and administrators debate the role lesson plans actually serve, parents and staff disagree on what the yearly school schedule looks like, or what is the best way to integrate technology. The key point is that the parties remain engaged, their goals are broadly aligned, but the pathway is being contested.

And, what is conflict?

Conflict, by contrast, occurs when opposing parties hold different goals, values, or interests, and this is a big deal. The relationship is adversarial, Maxwell¹ also stated, “two people who simply cannot agree on something, or a circumstance with only two viable outcomes.” Conflict in schools arises when a teacher feels undermined by a leader’s directive, when staff and administration clash irreconcilably over discipline and dress code issues, or when stakeholder groups believe their core values are being threatened. Unlike tension, conflict tends to require decision-making, clear resolution, and often changes in relationship dynamics.

Why the distinction matters for educational leadership?

As leaders, recognizing the difference gives leverage, not to win per se, but to be used for the better good. Tension can be a resource, it can spark innovation, foster growth, challenge assumptions. If handled skillfully, tension allows an educational organization to pivot, adapt its position, refine its practices, and embrace transformational change. This directly echoes Shapiro’s focus on a pivot mindset: leaders who recognize forces of change and adapt rather than resist. On the other hand, conflict, if left unmanaged, can escalate into a stalemate, toxicity, or systemic dysfunction… ultimately derailing educational goals and harming the culture. 

So, how do we square that circle?

Practical implication

Regardless of the setting, when a leader senses disagreement or discomfort, questions need to be asked… “Are we together, working toward the same aim but challenged by complexity?” This would be tension. Or, “Are we opposed, with conflicting goals and deteriorating relationships?” This would be a conflict. If it’s tension, consider open dialogue, redistribute roles, encourage idea collision, and frame the challenge as “we’re stretching to improve.” If it’s a conflict, you may need clearer decision-making, realignment of purpose, or even personnel-level intervention.

If tension is the stretch, then conflict is the clash. As an educational leader, you can acknowledge and harness tension to pivot forward and intervene when conflict threatens to compromise your mission. When you lead with that awareness, your school community cannot only survive change but thrive through it. But remember, in the end, a decision has to be made and not making one is a decision. 

¹ Conflict vs. Tension: Do You Know the Difference? – John C. Maxwell | October 2, 2018

As you step into your role today, remember that you are not just an educator and leader but a shaper of the future. Your actions and decisions profoundly impact the lives of those you guide. Go, be the great educator and leader that our future needs.

Remember… Think Leadership and Be For Others…

©2025 J Clay Norton

Want more Leadership Thoughts? Follow me on… X @thebookchamber or follow the blog directly.

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(T)Issues of Leadership… It’s just one letter away! 

27 Friday Sep 2024

Posted by The Book Chamber in Choice, Circumstances, Conflict, Consistency, Crisis, Culture, Deciding, Decisions, Disaster, Distractions, Education, Educational Leadership, Emotion, Emotional Temperature, Importance, Influence, Insecurity, Inspiration, Integrity, Intentional, Intentions, Issues, Knowledge, Leader, Leadership, Reality, Transparent, Trust, Understanding, Unity, Useful, Value

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business, Education, Educational Leadership, emotional-intelligence, Leader, Leadership, Learning, management, personal-development, Respect, Teachers, teaching

I love analogies. I believe they are a better part of describing situations and are key in leadership thinking and reflection. So, today’s topic…

Let’s start with a simple yet profound observation: the word “issues” is just one letter away from “tissues.” This clever play on words serves as a powerful analogy for how personal issues can influence leadership.

Doc1

This simple play on words is a powerful reminder of how personal struggles can influence leadership. No leader has it all together, and those who think they do need to quit believing it; others know the truth. By default, I would venture into saying that many leaders carry some form of unresolved issues, good or bad. These issues might be deep-seeded from past experiences and might even be people in your unwanted circle. Still, when leaders carry unresolved issues, they burden themselves first and then affect the emotional and operational well-being of everyone around them. It’s like having the box of tissues ready handy for emotional spills (these can be good or bad also) – except, in this case, it’s needing those tissues to clean up the mess caused by unchecked issues that a leader has caused.

Leaders with unresolved issues often project their insecurities or frustrations onto others. What’s worse is that they make it seem as if you are the one at fault. I hate it when this happens. It’s like knowing a tornado is coming, and you need to run, take cover, at a right angle from that path. Whether it’s stress, poor communication, or unchecked ego (hello!), these personal challenges create a ripple effect. Everyone around becomes confused (for sure), demoralized (yes, it can happen), or even disengaged (probably so) because of the leader’s inconsistency or emotional volatility.

When leaders bring their personal issues into the working environment, they can inadvertently stifle innovation, breed negativity, and weaken the overall culture. This is where it gets serious…

But the sun is always shining behind the clouds… great leadership is about recognizing those issues and addressing them head-on. No leader is perfect, but the best ones are self-aware. They understand that their personal issues can affect their ability to make clear decisions, offer effective guidance, and create a positive culture.

Instead of burdening the team with their issues, emotionally intelligent leaders create an environment where challenges are tackled together—turning potential “tissue moments” into opportunities for growth and connection. Leadership is not about being flawless but about continually striving for improvement and ensuring personal issues don’t bleed into professional spaces. Sometimes, it is worth hearing to get out of your own way… and let’s leave the tissues for blowing our nose instead…

Go be a great educator and leader today… Our future needs it…

Remember… Think Leadership and Be For Others…

©2024 J Clay Norton

Want more Leadership Thoughts? Follow me on… X @thebookchamber or follow the blog directly.

Want to share this leadership thought with others? Click on one of the social media sharing buttons below and help spread the good…

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Leadership and Warning Labels – What is your message?

21 Friday Apr 2023

Posted by The Book Chamber in Actions, Attitude, Authentic, Conflict, Consistency, Decisions, Education, Educational Leadership, Influence, Insecurity, Integrity, Kindness, Leader, Leadership, Passive-Agressive, Perception, Perceptions, Sensitive

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When is the last time you read a warning label on a product? Some are quite funny, while others seem plain dumb with the question, “Who would do that anyway?” But nonetheless, they are printed right there on the product (fine print sometimes).

Here are just a few…
A cup of coffee – Caution, content may be hot.
Hairdryer – Do no use while sleeping
Wheelbarrow – Not intended for highway use
Baby Stroller – Remove child before folding
Nyquil – May cause drowsiness

You get the idea. I often wonder who made the particular blunder for that specific warning label?

personalized-ansi-warning-label-lb-3457-w

Segue to leadership…
It is often said that perception is not reality. But can everybody be wrong? A very good friend of mine says, “Everybody can’t be wrong about the same thing.” Perception becomes a way of understanding or interpreting things. At the same time, reality is the state of things as they actually exist rather than as they may be perceived or might be imagined. That said, what if we had a warning label about us for others to see printed right there on the package, that package being us?

Here might be a few…
Warning:
Do not think on your own – I micromanage
Do not disagree with me – I am moody
Do not cause conflict – I am insecure
Do not outshine me – I am passive-aggressive
Do not have a different opinion – I am highly flammable
Please handle with care – I get my feelings hurt easily
Be a yes person – If you are not, I will find fault
I’m sure you can add to the list…

How refreshing would it be if these warning labels were reversed?
Warning:
Think on your own – I delegate
It’s ok to disagree with me – Does not mean that you are wrong
Sometimes there will be conflict – I will not run from it, and I will support you
Outshine me – The better you are, the better we are
Have a different opinion – I encourage diverse thinking
Please handle with honesty – I will not get my feelings hurt easily
Do not be a yes person – I do not want minions around me

However, I believe the leadership we lead with does carry labels. You might say, “Well, that’s not how I lead,” or “I don’t care what someone else thinks.” But at the same time, we would quickly say that’s not the reputation we want. Well, is everyone wrong, then?

What are you doing to ensure that you have positive leadership labels instead of warning labels? In the end, we are all wearing some type of leadership label. The question is, what does your leadership label say about you?

Go be a great educator and leader today… Our future needs it…

Remember… Think Leadership and Be For Others…

©2023 J Clay Norton

Want more Leadership Thoughts? Follow me on… Twitter @thebookchamber or follow the blog directly.

Want to share this leadership thought with others? Click on one of the social media sharing buttons below and help spread the good…

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