Category Archives: Conversations

Are you annoyed at what others say?

28 Friday Oct 2022

Posted by in Actions, Annoying, Conversations, Leadership, Perceptions, Relationships

≈ 2 Comments

Do you ever get annoyed with what others say? Maybe it’s even those “one-liners.” Yep, that’s me. I get annoyed, but I have great “one-liners.” Anyway… Hopefully a little levity today and a side of seriousness.

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This past Monday, I was listening to This Morning – America’s First News with Gordan Deal on the way to school. He and Mike Gavin were talking about an article titled, ‘Annoying’ people say these 75 things, according to Reddit users. Well, I can tell you, I turned up the volume because I know a lot of annoying people and wanted to hear what the sayings were…

Here are ten that I pulled from the list…

“I don’t mean to be rude, but …”

“Let’s agree to disagree.”

“No offense, but …”

“It is what it is.”

“Here’s the deal.”

“If I were you …”

“Must be nice.”

“Nobody cares.”

“I’m the type of person …”

“It’s all good.”

A few of my favorites I did not see on the list were…

“Can I be honest with you?” (Wait, that means you have lied to me before?)

“Let me be frank with you…” (No, don’t be frank, just be you)

“Fake it til you make it.” (For those of you who know me, this is the worst of all annoying sayings, especially in a leadership position.)

In 2020, I wrote a blog on Things Leaders Should Not Say… As I read the entire list in the article, I thought about that blog, and yes, when leaders say certain things, it can be very annoying. There are even a few annoying sayings on the 75-list that are included in the blog.

The list of 75 will make you think of what you and others often say. Yes, there are a few on the list that I have said and say as well (I counted ten). I laughed when I read some of them because I immediately thought of certain people who are notorious for saying one, if not more, of them. And, yes… depending on the person, it can be very annoying.

I guess that is the determining factor; who it is and what type of relationship you have with them. What some see as annoying, others see as funny. It seems that I’m guilty of both, but I’m ok with it.

If nothing else, as with all things in life, time is too short. Perception is not reality; rose-colored glasses only tint stuff as we want it to be. Society gets annoyed when we do not think and act like it wants us to, and there lies the problem; relativism at work… Respect is not, but should be, a two-way street. It gets annoying when it is not.

What I cannot do is control what others say. I don’t have to let what others say impact my feelings. Do I get annoyed with what others say? You bet I do. It wears me out mentally, but ultimately, it’s my decision. So… stop saying annoying statements or quit being annoyed? What am I to do?

Let’s go fight the good fight of leadership. Someone has to…

Go be a great educator and leader today… Our future needs it…

Remember… Think Leadership and Be For Others…

©2022 J Clay Norton

Want more Leadership Thoughts? Follow me on… Twitter @thebookchamber or follow the blog directly.

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Seeing Faces Again…

29 Friday Oct 2021

Posted by in Attitude, Character, Classroom Leadership, Classroom Management, Communication, Conversations, Education, Effective, Emotion, Engagement, Perceptions

≈ 2 Comments

This past week our school district lifted the mask mandate that has been in place for a while. Now masks are encouraged and optional. Before I begin with the blog, let me say that these thoughts are not about the mask mandate itself. It is not about political or religious views, cultural differences, one’s belief system to be vaccinated or not, the science, or any other reason a person chooses to wear or not wear a mask. Today’s thoughts are about seeing facial expressions, and that’s it…

For the first time since March of 2019, educators in our school can now see the faces of many of our students, and it is refreshing. As a teacher, seeing the facial reaction of students can say a lot, especially when a student does not say much, to begin with. Outside of words, a person’s face is the next best communicator one has to express themselves. A student’s face conveys a wealth of information. It can help a teacher determine their mood, their engagement, their emotions… which leads to feedback, and that is what teachers want to see.

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One of the best attributes I think a teacher can have is having the capability to determine if they can see a student’s mind changing. Better yet, having those Jedi powers and “feel the force” of seeing the effect of mind-changing moments taking place. No more do we need to hold emoji flashcards to see what a student is experiencing. As an educator, seeing understanding or the lack of, on our students’ faces is key to how we continue our lessons many times. Do we go on, pause, restate, start over, etc…

On another note, think about this… Students can see your facial expressions also. As Haim Ginott said, “I’ve come to a frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It’s my personal approach that creates the climate. It’s my daily mood that makes the weather…” That personal approach is seen on our faces before we ever speak a word to our classes. What did/will your students see today in your class?

Facial expressions… yes, they communicate thoughts, good to be able to see them again.

Go be a great educator and leader today… Our future needs it…

Remember… Think Leadership and Be For Others…

©2021 J Clay Norton

Want more Leadership Thoughts? Follow me on…

Twitter @thebookchamber

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The Two Sides of Leadership Debt…

26 Friday Feb 2021

Posted by in Advantage, Agenda, Authentic, Conversations, Expectations, Future, Leader, Leadership, Transactional, Transformational

≈ 1 Comment

On the way home from school in the afternoons, I listen to talk radio. It can vary from local to national news, sports, and even money. The other day I was scanning the channels and stopped on The Dave Ramsey Show. In his intro, after a break, many times, he will say, “Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show where debt is dumb, and cash is king.” And as usual, that got me to thinking.

Debt… to owe someone else. Most of the time, we think about debt as being related to money. However, many times I see leaders who have what I call “leadership debt.” Yes, I believe “leadership debt” is a thing, it is happening to many, and there is also another side to it.

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As you look and listen, we often see transactional leadership taking place – “do this for me, and I’ll do this for you.” I believe that leadership should be a healthy mix of transformational and transactional leadership, with a higher percentage leaning toward transformational. However, when transactional leadership takes place, usually we end up owing.

It goes something like this…
“Hey, I need a favor.
     Ok, what can I do for you?
Well, I need such and such, and if you can come through for me, I will return the favor.
     When?
Well, I’m not in a position to do it now, but when I am… I will take care of you.”

It seems to me only one person in the conversation got what they wanted. The other person just sits and waits. So, who owes the debt? I guess you would probably say the person who received the favor. But… what about the person who made good on their end? What did they get? If we think about it in terms of money, they “paid” for something and did not get anything in return but a future promise, and we know how promises are kept… Ultimately, there seems to be only one winner, but do they really win? I see both parties in some form of debt isolation.

The hard part of all of this is many leaders can help others. That is one of the main characteristics of leadership – helping. Do they sometimes need favors? Sure. I do think, however, that they do not need to go around owing others on future promises, while at the same time, the ones who are “paying” need to make sure the return of their investment is healthy, but the return needs to be almost immediate. And when that leader does get to where they can repay… leadership amnesia sets in all the sudden.

I guess what I am trying to say is this… If someone asks you for a “favor,” do it because you want to, not expecting anything in return. Quit giving of yourself to make others look good for their own agenda, and they will start seeking out other weak-minded people. Be true to yourself. When you are, you will be seen as true to others. While at the same time, if you are the one always asking for favors, quit “getting” others to help you get what you want. Do it on your own merit. Yes, it might take more time, and it might cramp your style that you cannot do something you want now, but you will be seen as a much better person.

Yes, Dave Ramsey is right… debt is dumb, but it is even dumber to pay for something and receive nothing in return. As James states, “Let your ‘yes’ be yes, and your ‘no’ be no” (ESV, 2001, James 5:12).

Go be a great educator and leader today… Our future needs it…

Remember… Think Leadership and Be For Others…

©2021 J Clay Norton

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Genuine kindness – Where did it go?

29 Friday Jan 2021

Posted by in Appreciation, Conversations, Culture, Decisions, Kindness, Leader, Leadership, Mask, Message, Relationships, Value

≈ 6 Comments

Today’s world comes at us every morning with the dog-eat-dog mentality. I have to get what is mine. Yes, I will speak to you or nod your way, but to genuinely acknowledge where the other person felt kindness… not so much. Why? Where did society take a wrong turn, and genuine kindness got left behind.

A few thoughts before I get into my other thoughts…
One, I believe technology has really hurt society in this area. Yes, there are many good, quality aspects of technology… but ultimately, what I see has happened is people are now able to hide behind their keyboards and type what they wish they could say but are afraid of the ramifications. It is almost as if the keyboard is the mask of insecurity they wear.

Ok… enough. Get to the kindness…
I heard Billy Joel’s song the other day, “We Didn’t Start the Fire,” and there is one line in the song… “I can’t take it anymore.” Well, that is often how I feel. We cannot escape… The radio, the TV, the social media, the complainers, the _________.

Ok… the kindness…
Why can’t we just be kind? It might take some effort, but it beats not being kind. Where has that ever gotten anyone?

Kindness is never arrogant. Kindness is humility. Knowing no one is really any better. Find what works for individuals and build a relationship. Quit the “me!” Try having a true interest in others. Not what you can get from them, but what they can give. That’s genuine kindness.

Say thank you that shows value… yes, appreciation. We are so worried that we are not going to get the recognition we deserve. Who cares besides you? One day, someone is going to throw that plaque in the garbage anyway. Genuine kindness celebrates others and fosters success for them.

It does not take long to figure out when kindness is not in the air. It just doesn’t smell right. You know that smell… the smell of “stuff-upedness.”
It is very hard to have a connection with others when that odor is around. As soon as they walk in the door, they say, “You smell something?”

I truly believe genuine kindness helps people motivate themselves. And when that happens, empowerment is felt and seen. Trust and respect take on new definitions, and results are an after product instead of a grind.

Quick question… You want to know if your kindness is genuine? Quick answer with a question… Are others inspired because of you?

In the end, kindness puts others first. I’m talking about leadership here… Your leadership message is for others, not you. Genuine kindness has the ability to relate to others—more about them, less about you.

Genuine kindness – where did it go? It really never left. Maybe we just forgot it was there. Genuine kindness is good for you and good for others.

Go be a great educator and leader today… Our future needs it…

Remember… Think Leadership and Be For Others…

©2021 J Clay Norton

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