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~ J Clay Norton, Ed.D.

The Book Chamber

Category Archives: Insecurity

Leadership Manipulation Only Wants Yes or No Answers…

08 Friday Apr 2022

Posted by The Book Chamber in Actions, Agenda, Facade, Insecurity, Intentions, Leader, Leadership, Manipulation

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Have you ever been caught in a situation where someone wanted to “catch you” in your answer? Everything seems fine one-on-one, but let an audience form, and then the true intent comes out; the trap. In their smugness, they ask a question, only wanting a yes or a no. Any other answer response is not what they want? Why?

You see this happen a lot in leadership. People want an answer by manipulating you and the conversation. Think of spin control… Instead of getting into that trap, you could throw them for a loop and answer their question with a question for them. Keeping the topic the same allows them to possibly fall into their own verbal trap.

I would dare say that most people who demand a yes or no answer have fudged and twisted the truth of the question anyway. Some just lie from the onset. What’s funny here is that if they knew half of what they were actually asking, they would know that others see right through their facade.

ONLy-yes-or-No-696x583

Leaders who ask loaded questions… you know any? They put those who are to answer in a lose-lose situation. Answer yes, answer no, they got you. When this happens, truth becomes irrelevant. Once someone has their mind made up, it does not matter if the truth is told or not. They want the answer they want to hear.

This leadership manipulation comes down to tautology logic, where a statement is true by necessity or by virtue of its logical form. The Latin for this is tertium non datur – as if there is no possibility of a third answer. I would say beware of people who ask questions in this form. They are only out to help themselves.

Insecure, weak leaders do not like to be challenged. Agreeing to disagree is nonexistent in their world. When they do not get the yes or no answer they are looking for, they are challenged on a much deeper level. They take it personally, and then you become the problem.

I would say that the leadership lesson here is not to be manipulated. However, we all know that we cannot control others’ thoughts and actions. Sometimes… But a lesson I believe that is helpful is to make sure we are firmly planted with our convictions that others would dare not try to manipulate us. We will be less likely to be manipulated when we are.

Go be a great educator and leader today… Our future needs it…

Remember… Think Leadership and Be For Others…

©2022 J Clay Norton

Want more Leadership Thoughts? Follow me on… Twitter @thebookchamber or follow the blog directly.

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Go Along to Get Along… Not so much…

25 Friday Feb 2022

Posted by The Book Chamber in Actions, Authentic, Choice, Courage, Decisions, Insecurity, Leader, Leadership

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Bob Marley wrote a song titled One Love, and one of the lines is… “Let’s get together and feel alright.” Does anyone remember that? Sorry if that is stuck in your head now… Anyway, too often in leadership, that is what is wanted. Leaders are saying, “Let’s get together and say that you agree, and we will all feel alright.” Have you ever been in that conversation? Well, I call that… Go along to get along mentality.

Go along to get along… I found this definition on the internet of this idiom… To conform to general expectations so as not to disrupt or endanger one’s sense of security or belonging or to agree with others or do what they want in order to preserve harmony. Is it the right thing to do? Is it ok for you to speak up if you disagree? Will you be labeled as one of those who does not fall in line? You look around the table, and everyone is in agreement, knowing that half of them are thinking the same thing that you are but unwilling to be “that person.”

I think it boils down to the security or insecurity of the leader and of you as well. Why do we live in a society where we must put our values aside to “keep the peace?” Now, I’ll be the first to say that we should major on the majors and let the minor stuff stay minor. I also believe that we must choose our battles, per se. However, when the line in the sand has to be put on notice… This is where insecure leaders are not welcoming of others’ questions or suggestions and forbid a disagreement, for they feel they are always correct in their own infinite wisdom. They want everyone to go along… Leadership that carries this mantle only wants the “yes” people.

In his first inaugural address, Thomas Jefferson stated, “Every difference of opinion was not and could not be a difference of principle.” But guess what… That is exactly what happens when we set aside our voice when we are asked or sometimes told… go along. Finding value in what we know instead of what we think carries greater leadership responsibility. Truth becomes irrelevant when someone’s personal agenda takes priority. But yet… this is said, “I need you all to go along with this…” Strong, secure leaders put what is right ahead of their personal feelings for the greater good. It takes courage.

I acknowledge that there might be a person and charge that makes the final decision, and that is their prerogative. But when they limit the thoughts of others, they steal what could be. I’m pretty sure I’m not the “go along to get along” person. Are you? There will always be a reason why or why not, and you are the only one who can answer…

Go be a great educator and leader today… Our future needs it…

Remember… Think Leadership and Be For Others…

©2022 J Clay Norton

Want more Leadership Thoughts? Follow me on… Twitter @thebookchamber or follow the blog directly.

Want to share this leadership thought with others? Click on one of the social media sharing buttons below and help spread the good…

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