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~ J Clay Norton, Ed.D.

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Category Archives: Empathy

Narcissism: From Decay to Destruction in Leadership.. Born of Selfish Pride

19 Friday Sep 2025

Posted by The Book Chamber in Actions, Attitude, Character, Christian Worldview, Culture, Decay, Decisions, Decline, Disaster, Educational Leadership, Empathy, Facade, Humility, Influence, Narcissism

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AuthenticLeadership, business, CharacterMatters, Education, Educational Leadership, EgoVsHumility, Humility, Leader, Leadership, LeadershipDevelopment, LeadershipMatters, Learning, Narcissism, PrideBeforeTheFall, Respect, school, SelflessLeadership, ServantLeadership, Teachers, teaching, toxic, ToxicLeadership, TransformationalLeadership

C. S. Lewis, in some of his sermons and in Mere Christianity1, described pride as “the great sin.” Unlike other vices, pride stands in direct opposition to God because it refuses to acknowledge anything greater than itself. Yet it is important to distinguish between two forms of pride. A healthy sense of self-pride, rooted in the acknowledgment of God-given worth and responsibility, is not wrong. In fact, it equips leaders to carry their responsibilities with courage and stewardship. But… when pride distorts into selfish pride, it eclipses truth, humility, and service. Lewis noted that pride thrives in comparison; it is never content with being good or accomplished, but only in being better than others. Such pride blinds a person to truth and breeds contempt for those they are meant to serve. What Lewis made clear is that selfish pride is not just a character flaw; it is the root of spiritual decay.

Lewis’ warning about spiritual decay finds a striking parallel in leadership. I’m sure we all have our own definition of what narcissism is, but in my own summation, narcissism is an excessive preoccupation with self, marked by entitlement, a hunger for admiration, and a lack of empathy. I’ll go ahead and ask the question now, “Do you know anyone like this?”

In practice, this reveals itself not as guidance but as domination. A narcissistic leader seeks followers, not partners. They crave admiration rather than accountability. Instead of building others up, they drain their teams through manipulation and the constant need for validation. Over time, this dismantles trust. Where vision and service should flourish, control and fear take their place, creating a toxic environment. As Lewis warned, pride always leads to enmity… enmity between man and man, and between man and God. Ultimately, narcissistic leadership destroys the very community it was entrusted to grow. What often goes unseen is that narcissism is not born of strength but of insecurity… the louder the ego demands admiration, the weaker the foundation it is hiding.

This kind of destruction rarely begins with open arrogance; it begins quietly. We often hear that there is a fine line between ideas, ideals, and ideology, and just as the line between healthy self-pride and destructive selfish pride grows ever thinner, it is along that fragile divide that narcissism quietly takes root. True self-pride affirms God-given identity and responsibility, but selfish pride inflates the ego until it eclipses everything else, even the heart. That distortion gives birth to narcissism, and when it goes unchecked, it erodes the very foundations of leadership.

Yet having a Christian worldview foundation points us in a better way. Christlike, servant-based leadership offers a stark contrast: humility, service, and sacrifice. True leaders draw strength not from self-exaltation but from self-forgetfulness. As Lewis observed, “the truly humble man will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all.” Such leaders recognize their worth in God and extend that recognition to others. In this light, self-pride does not become arrogance but stewardship, the courage to carry responsibility without turning it into a throne, worshiped only by selfish pride, that only a narcissist can sit on.

When self-pride morphs into selfish pride, narcissism becomes the master. Leadership ceases to serve a higher purpose and instead serves only the leader’s ego. In that shift, both the leader and the community lose their way. Lewis captured it perfectly: “A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.” Leadership dies in the gaze of narcissism, but it flourishes in humility.

1Lewis, C. S. (1952). Mere Christianity. Geoffrey Bles.

As you step into your role today, remember that you are not just an educator and leader but a shaper of the future. Your actions and decisions profoundly impact the lives of those you guide. Go, be the great educator and leader that our future needs.

Remember… Think Leadership and Be For Others…

©2025 J Clay Norton

Want more Leadership Thoughts? Follow me on… X @thebookchamber or follow the blog directly.

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Knowledge by acquaintance leadership – Boots on the ground, sleeves rolled up, get in the trenches, and get dirty…

02 Friday May 2025

Posted by The Book Chamber in Acquaintance, Actions, Christian Worldview, Classroom Leadership, Description, Education, Educational Leadership, Empathy, Encouragement, Inspiration, Knowledge, Leader, Leadership, Listening, Teachers, Trust, Uncategorized, Understanding, Value, Wisdom

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business, Education, Educational Leadership, Leader, Leadership, Learning, Respect, school, Teachers, teaching

This past week, I finished reading The Beauty of Divine Grace by Gabriel N .E. Fluhrer. In chapter five, Fluhrer cites Bertrand Russell’s famous distinction between knowledge by acquaintance and knowledge by description with the following thought by Fluhrer…

“If we know God’s providence, only by description, if all we possess is a secondhand knowledge of it, we will acknowledge His providence but we will not fall in love with it. If, on the other hand, we know God’s providence by acquaintance, we have fallen in love with the God of the sun and the storm, we will not have just intellectual ascent to his providence. We will also have a deep affection for the incomparable, glorious, sovereign God.”¹

Fluhrer’s quote should be a great perspective for our Christian Worldview, and Russell’s distinction is so simple and profound for leadership. Knowing something through description is entirely different from knowing it through personal experience, and that’s where I believe we have a problem with leadership today, and it got me thinking…

In a world overflowing with topical books, theoretical knowledge, or secondhand “expertise,” many leaders operate solely with knowledge by description. They make decisions based on what they have read or seen, reports, analytics, someone else’s summaries, or better yet – what they have been told. While this type of knowledge is valuable and needed to make informed decisions (think data-driven decision-making), it can never replace the deep understanding that comes through direct engagement.

Strong leadership requires knowledge by acquaintance. I call it “boots on the ground, sleeves rolled up, get in the trenches, and get dirty leadership.” Leaders must be familiar with the real dynamics of their leadership roles, how they transcend to the team they represent, and their assigned tasks. It’s a contrast between the true challenges of any organization and the difference between a manager/boss who reads about what the mission is and a leader who spends time alongside their teams, listening, learning firsthand, and working.

Here is what experience does… it helps others, it builds credibility, it shapes judgment, it fosters empathy, it creates understanding. Leaders who only rely on knowledge by description risk becoming detached, making decisions that sound good on paper but fail in practice because they have never been in the trenches with those they lead. Those with direct acquaintance, however, lead with wisdom rooted in reality.

It seems that most people today want and reward quick knowledge over deep understanding. But enduring leadership, the kind that builds trust and achieves lasting success, comes from leaders willing to engage personally, take risks, and learn through experience. They get dirty in the practice of acquaintance.

True leadership isn’t about knowing of the path; it’s about walking it and helping others do the same.

¹Fluhrer, G. N. E. (2022). The beauty of divine grace. Ligonier Ministries.

As you step into your role today, remember that you are not just an educator and leader but a shaper of the future. Your actions and decisions profoundly impact the lives of those you guide. Go, be the great educator and leader that our future needs.

Remember… Think Leadership and Be For Others…

©2025 J Clay Norton

Want more Leadership Thoughts? Follow me on… X @thebookchamber or follow the blog directly.

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Stop Leading to Survive – Start Leading with Purpose

25 Friday Apr 2025

Posted by The Book Chamber in Actions, Anchored, Character, Circumstances, Clarity, Classroom Leadership, Compassion, Conviction, Education, Educational Leadership, Emotion, Emotional Temperature, Empathy, Empower, Know Your Why, Leader, Leadership, Mixed Signals, Purpose, Teachers, Transformational, Trust

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business, Education, Educational Leadership, Leader, Leadership, Learning, Respect, school, Teachers, teaching

Have you noticed lately how society wants to make leadership complex and move at a speed that is too fast? All you have to do is just look around. Also, you may notice that many leaders are not leading from a deep sense of purpose; they’re leading from a place of longing. Longing for meaning, for validation, and for results, often defaulting to a “whatever works” philosophy. However, when they start chasing effectiveness without direction, they sacrifice the very essence of leadership – clarity, conviction, and character.

Leadership is meant to be anchored in purpose – with a strong, stable, and consistent foundation. Without it, even the most charismatic or skilled leaders drift, and depending on the strength and speed of the current, they can be taken anywhere. When purpose is missing, decisions become reactive rather than proactive, and strategies become short-sighted rather than transformative. A leader may gain temporary success, but the tell-tale signs of losing something far more valuable will be seen, which are trust, direction, and emotional resilience.

The tragedy is that the longing for meaning, validation, and results, when left unmet, often leads to purposeless leadership. It becomes a cycle; the more leaders seek to find purpose in external wins, the more disconnected they become from internal values. Without emotional alignment, leadership becomes mechanical and goes through the motions. The spark is gone, passion is replaced by pressure, and vision gives way to vagueness.

True leadership flows from inner conviction, not circumstantial or situational convenience. It requires doing the hard work of defining your “why” before driving the “what.” Purpose brings focus and fuels positive emotions of hope, empathy, and courage, all of which are essential for inspiration and creating a lasting impact.

Time-trusted leadership does not settle for what merely works – that’s survival. Instead, it pursues what matters – that’s significance. The world doesn’t need more successful leaders. It needs and requires more purposeful ones! Those who lead with clarity, conviction, and character.

It doesn’t matter where or at what level your leadership takes place, when leaders are clear about their purpose, they can offer others a reason to follow. At the heart of all great leadership is not just action but meaning, purposeful meaning.

As you step into your role today, remember that you are not just an educator and leader but a shaper of the future. Your actions and decisions profoundly impact the lives of those you guide. Go, be the great educator and leader that our future needs.

Remember… Think Leadership and Be For Others…

©2025 J Clay Norton

Want more Leadership Thoughts? Follow me on… X @thebookchamber or follow the blog directly.

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Seeking a Thrill in Leadership? It’s Scary…

01 Friday Nov 2024

Posted by The Book Chamber in Actions, Culture, Educational Leadership, Effective, Empathy, Empower, Encouragement, Humility, Influence, Inspiration, Leader, Leadership, Servant, Transformational

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business, Education, Educational Leadership, Leader, Leadership, Learning, management, personal-development, Respect, school, Teachers, teaching

With yesterday being October 31st and Halloween. Many people dressed and wanted to create a scare and possibly a thrill. A purposeful thought, nonetheless, reasoned for whatever. But here’s a thought: do we ever wonder if those who seek a thrill actually scare people?

DALL·E 2024-11-01 07.12.03 - A thought-provoking image illustrating the theme of thrill-seeking versus responsible leadership. Show a leader standing on a dimly lit stage, wearing

I believe it happens more than we realize in leadership every day…

At its core, leadership is about responsibility and should not be thrill-seeking. When individuals chase, want, and advocate for leadership roles for the excitement or the ego boost, it often leads to dangerous outcomes. Most of the time, that danger is hidden. Leadership is not inherently glamorous; it comes with pressures, accountability, and the weight of guiding others toward shared goals; this in itself should humbly scare. However, when leaders pursue the role for excitement or a desire to be in control, it can lead to impulsive behaviors that make decision-making and risk-taking harmful to any established positive culture. This is a danger we must be cautious of.

True leaders (and it’s unfortunate that we have to put “true” in front of leader(s)) find satisfaction not in the thrill of power but in fostering growth mindsets, collaboration, and positive change. Leadership requires vision, patience, and sometimes empathy; all of which can be diminished when someone is drawn to leadership simply for the excitement it provides. Thrill-seeking leaders may overlook key processes, undervalue teamwork, and make decisions that prioritize short-term excitement over long-term success, especially if it benefits them first.

Leadership is ultimately about being a servant and then empowering others. Leaders are entrusted with the well-being, development, and performance of those they guide. When leadership becomes a pursuit for personal excitement, it creates a disconnect between the mission and vision and from the needs of those who provide for the stability of the culture. Leaders who approach their roles with a sense of duty and responsibility rather than thrill-seeking inspire trust, loyalty, and respect.

Leadership is also a stewardship given by God. An opportunity to influence others in a way that reflects His character. A servant-based approach turns the pursuit of leadership upside down, challenging a thrill-seeker to let go of personal ambition and instead focus on uplifting others. The excitement in leadership should come from seeing positive transformation and growth in those we serve, not from the prestige of the position.

Should we be scared by those seeking a thrill in leadership? I say yes. Thrill seekers who obtain leadership positions are more than likely wearing a mask anyway. Seems fitting since yesterday was Halloween…

As you step into your role today, remember that you are not just an educator and leader but a shaper of the future. Your actions and decisions profoundly impact the lives of those you guide. Go, be the great educator and leader that our future needs.

Remember… Think Leadership and Be For Others…

©2024 J Clay Norton

Want more Leadership Thoughts? Follow me on… X @thebookchamber or follow the blog directly.

Want to share this leadership thought with others? Click on one of the social media sharing buttons below and help spread the good…

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