Category Archives: Relationships

Flop Flop Fizz Fizz – Leadership Indigestion

19 Friday Oct 2018

Posted by in Actions, Attitude, Balance, Character, Consistency, Decisions, Expectations, Humility, Leader, Leadership, Relationships, Servant

≈ 2 Comments

“Keep your words short and sweet, for you never know which ones you will have to eat.” – Unknown

Have you ever been watching TV late at night and seen commercials for a new drug that can help you with any problem you have, that you did not know you had, but realized you probably did after watching the commercial? Many times I feel like I do and sometimes it seems that the commercial is “talking” directly to me.

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The other night a “drug commercial” came on, and its opening line was, “Do you suffer from indigestion?” As I was trying to keep my food down from supper, limit my acid reflux that turns into heartburn that causes my stomach to cramp which gives me a headache, which leads to my hands shaking, I realized that, WOW, I have indigestion, and did not know it. Not really, but you get the point. What I did understand, however, is that we all have “things” that can give us indigestion and they are not always food.

To take a more serious approach to the topic, let’s ask this question, “What can cause you to have leadership indigestion?” Are there things that you see leaders do that cause your stomach to turn? I am sure the list can become rather lengthy for each of us, but let’s look at a few that I think are the most gut-wrenching and heartburning.

GETTING OTHERS TO DO WHAT YOU DO NOT WANT TO (OR AFRAID TO DO)

Bottom line, they do not want confrontation. This is not to say that you do not like confrontation, but you know how to deal with it. People who avoid confrontation make excuses for their thought process, such as “I’m a peacemaker,” or “I don’t want to ruffle any feathers.” They never want to be seen as the “bad guy.” However, when their moment comes, they want to be seen front and center. Any other time, they will put on the chameleon suit and do their best to blend in and be part of the crowd. They want everyone to think that they are like everyone else. No, you are not, you are in a leadership role, act like it.

MICROMANAGING

It is just bad leadership. It is the opposite of servant-leadership. It keeps the Leader-Follower model of leadership intact, and no one is ever empowered. Paying attention to detail is ok. Making sure work is done is ok. What is not ok is always breathing down someone’s neck when you hired them to do their job, and you know they do their job. The problem with micromanagers is they question a majority of what you do. This creates a working atmosphere of unwarranted scrutiny. It does more calling out instead of calling up.

MOODINESS

Have you ever been around people that you have to carry around with kid-gloves and on a silver platter? You feel as though you have to walk on eggshells because you do not know what kind of mood someone is in. They have to ask others to see if the “leader” is in a good mood and approachable. Moody leaders are inconsistent with their leadership, and when they are inconsistent, they become unpredictable. Everything about a moody leader is terrible, and there is no way to mask it. Inconsistent, unpredictable leadership creates a mood that no one wants to be a part of.

BLANKET CONVERSATIONS FOR EVERYONE WHEN ONLY ONE PERSON NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED

Get the pill bottle and refill it. This might be the worse one of all. We have all been part of an announcement in a meeting or an email where a blanket is thrown over everyone about an issue that only concerns one person. Here is the scene of what is being thought… You hear an announcement about a problem or issue that is not good, and everyone agrees that it should be addressed, but no one believes they are the ones who need to hear the message but they know who needs to hear it. What good does that do? Please quit leading this way to handle problems. Tell whoever it is that needs to hear it. Everyone else will appreciate it. It goes back to bad leadership and wanting not to be seen as the bad guy.

To make sure you are not the leader who is causing leadership indigestion, make sure you are taking the right medicine. Yes, the prescription is to be a servant-leader. Start taking a daily dose. All four of the “symptoms” of leadership indigestion can be healed where you lead. Servant-leadership handles confrontation in the right way without dodging it, not micromanaging or moody, and most of all they directly handle issues without throwing a blanket over everyone.

Remember… THINK LEADERSHIP!

©2018 J Clay Norton

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Things We All Need More Of…

12 Friday Oct 2018

Posted by in Actions, Adventure, Affection, Attitude, Balance, Communication, Conversations, Dignity, Expectations, Giving, Heart, Importance, Leader, Leadership, Purpose, Relationships, Rest, Understanding, Value

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I saw this picture on Twitter the other day and began to think of how each item is necessary to battle the need for quality leadership in today’s society. Being in a leadership position, we are pulled and sometimes pushed in many different directions. Some voluntarily, some not so much.

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While each of these pics are sweet and cute, the leadership behind them can be influential in our daily fight. We need more of each of these…

Adventures

We need one or two things that allow us to escape the mundane activities of everyday life. While our jobs are somewhat labeled as day to day activities, it can and does get monotonous. Having an adventure allows us to breathe a little easier and push our minds to a different level. It gives you a sense of mental freedom.

Good Sleep

Yep… We all need it, and we all want more of it.  Now, how to get it? I am not sure I have an answer. However, you and I know when we get a good night’s sleep. We are pushed to the max on a daily basis. We go to bed with “stuff” on our minds.  We toss and turn, here and there, as much as being pushed and pulled like we are when we are awake. Typically, something has to give in your life to ease your mind. It is up to you to decide that.

Warm Hugs

The older I get, the more I want to be around like-minded, kindred-spirited people (I have said this before).  Now, we are probably not going to give or receive “warm hugs” everytime we want, but I believe we can broaden the tagline to just being around people who make you feel better about yourself.  I am sure each of us can attest to “having” to be around others that we do not want to be around. Odds are they are not going to give you that warm hug, but more likely an icy stare or a cold shoulder. Be intentional about the people you are around. It says a lot about you.

Interesting Conversations

I like this one.  Interesting conversations help the brain and maybe the heart. What are interesting conversations? You have to decide. However, I can tell you what they are not. Interesting conversations are not about yourself, others, gossip, complaints, fluff, etc. These conversations are easy to see and hear. They are the conversations that are hand-mouthed in hush tones, behind closed doors or loud enough, so others have to listen to them. Interesting conversations mean something and have value. They solve problems. They are for the good of yourself and others together.

Laughter

Laughter is great.  We have memorable moments that make us chuckle. We read something funny. We watch slap-stick comedy.  The things that make us laugh are different for everyone.  Someone said, “Laughter is good for the soul.”  Any way you look at it, laughter is good. Have you ever laughed at something terrible? Probably not. Just remember though, it is not very leadership like to laugh at the expense of others. You sure would not want them to laugh at you.

Happy Dances

Do not read this and say you have never done a little dance step.  I have. You have too. Usually, it is when something good comes to mind as a happy thought, an upbeat song, an accomplishment. I would even broaden this tagline to include the “fist-pump.” A happy dance celebrates good things, and sometimes that is just what each of us needs. Go ahead, dance.

Leadership, in general, is a daily grind and the struggle is real.  Leaders get down. Sometimes I find all it takes are the little, small things that encourage. We need to have some of the above thoughts in our lives.  If we do not, then we cannot help others because we cannot help ourselves.

Remember… THINK LEADERSHIP!

©2018 J Clay Norton

The Heartbeat Of Leadership

28 Friday Sep 2018

Posted by in Actions, Attitude, Choice, Clear, Compassion, Heart, Honest, Leader, Leadership, Relationships, Understanding

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An agreed-upon statement (I hope)… Regardless of the setting or situation, just like your heartbeat, everything rises and falls with leadership or any relationship for that matter.

“I wish they understood.” “I wish they knew what all was going on.” “Why do they never listen to us?” “I wish…,” “Why…?”

Every one of us, at some time or another, make statements or ask questions like these, leaders and followers both.

What is more important than the above comments?  How they are being answered. How do you as a leader, respond? Often, events happen that can be stressful (and stress is not good for the heart), but it does not always have to be the case. Many times, we create the stress ourselves. We start “over-thinking,” and “reacting” and that becomes the problem.

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To make sure your leadership “rises and falls” like your heartbeat and stress is limited, you need to be the following…

BE CLEAR
Do you model the expectations you have for others? Do others even know what your expectations are? As brilliant as people think they are, they are not mind-readers. Too many times, people are left guessing at what leadership wants, and it needs to be clear for all.  At the same time, never believe that expectations are a one-way street.  Others have expectations of you as well.  Allow the road to go both ways.

BE HONEST
It would go without saying; leaders must be honest with themselves and others. Pretending to be a super-leader with all the answers and a “my way” attitude is a quick way to alienate and limit the growth of others. Be honest and humble enough to recognize that others might just have a good idea that is not yours. It is ok to let others know that you are not always the fabulous piece of work that you currently think you are.  It is very hard, to be honest with others if we cannot be truly honest with ourselves.

BE COMPASSIONATE
Being compassionate does not mean not correcting when you have to. However, it does mean having some level of understanding of what goes on in the lives of others. How many leaders do you know that walk around looking for that “gotcha” moment? Usually, when this happens, it is an opportunity for a leader to look better or to put someone down. Too many times a leader will only have “surface” knowledge and not “depth” knowledge of a situation. Being compassionate is not a weakness.  It is a strength that shows you are giving grace and mercy just like you would want to receive.

Are there more or different leadership characteristics? Yes. But if you do not have these three in your leadership repertoire, your leadership heartbeat does not and will not function very well. Your leadership heart will rise and fall in an unhealthy rhythm, causing that stress that is not good for you or anyone else.

The heart drives all three of these characteristics.  When we lead with our heart instead of our minds, we lead with a level of motivation that can be felt by others.

Remember… THINK LEADERSHIP!

©2018 J Clay Norton

Follow me on Twitter at TheBookChamber

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“You and We” vs “I and Me”

21 Friday Sep 2018

Posted by in Actions, Attitude, Authentic, Character, Communication, Leader, Leadership, Purpose, Relationships, Servant, Understanding

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It is such a simple thing, not one that really stands out to be said or heard, but what it means and how it is perceived can likely determine what type of leader you are.

Simple words… “You and We” vs “I and Me.”

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When we listen to those in leadership, what do we hear?  Depends on what type of leader you are or have.  Do they speak with what I like to call the language of “selfology.”

If we listen carefully, attentively, we can hear it more often then we think.  It does not take long to hear the words of I, me, my, mine… They are the words of taking credit. Words that “I” need to make “me” look good…  When this happens, leaders undermine not only the work but also the character and respect of others.

When voiced out loud, corporately, the stage is set for only one entertainer.  There is no need for a three-ring circus. Only one tent for the person who speaks “selfology.” Leaders who use that language are plagued with insecurity issues that keep them wanting the spotlight deserving for others.  Too many times, they have to roar, flex their muscles, let everyone know they are in charge; only to eventually have their audience slowly walk out and find somewhere else where they can be acknowledged and appreciated.

“I and Me” leaders number one mindset is to convince themselves that they are the ones who make things happen. Every day they allow their ego to get in the way for other’s successes. They are the leaders who say they have the answers. It is as though they believe that others are there for their benefit and not the other way around.

Servant leaders intentionally make a point to use “othersology” speech: we, you, our.. and they want to; from the heart and not the mind. Rather than me, it is we. Rather than I, it is you. Rather than mine, it is ours.  Why… because they do not feel threatened.  They are comfortable enough in their own skin that enables others to be in the spotlight.

Think about it this way… A great friend and mentor in my life once told me, “Unfortunately, there are those who ‘push others down’ out of petty jealousy and small-mindedness. Beware of those who look to make a name for themselves on the bones of others.”

Remember… THINK LEADERSHIP!

©2018 J Clay Norton

Follow me on Twitter at TheBookChamber

Subscribe via email to my blog at the top of the page