The Tension of Conflict and the Conflict of Tension…

31 Friday Oct 2025

Posted by in Adaptability, Adversity, Conflict, Education, Educational Leadership, Leader, Leadership, Tension, Useful, Value

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In all of society today, it seems, leaders regularly navigate both tension and conflict, and then, maybe some do not. While the two are often used interchangeably, understanding their distinct nature is key to sound leadership. I’m currently reading the leadership book, Pivot or Die, by Gary Shapiro. In it, Shapiro emphasizes adaptability and agility in leadership, arguing that in a rapidly changing environment, the ability to “pivot” is crucial. For educational leaders, this means recognizing which situations call for a strategic pivot, and distinguishing whether what is present is productive tension (a sign of potential) or entrenching conflict (a sign of breakdown).

Everyone wants a definition…

So, what is tension?

Tension refers to the healthy “stretching” that occurs when people or teams work toward a goal but face differing views, ambiguity, or high stakes. As I was searching for some thoughts about this, I found this in John Maxwell’s leadership blog¹: “tension is different than conflict because it’s a sliding scale… there are plenty of differing opinions, and often there’s even strong disagreement. Still, doors remain open and people continue to work together.” 

In an educational leadership school context, tensions might surface as teachers and administrators debate the role lesson plans actually serve, parents and staff disagree on what the yearly school schedule looks like, or what is the best way to integrate technology. The key point is that the parties remain engaged, their goals are broadly aligned, but the pathway is being contested.

And, what is conflict?

Conflict, by contrast, occurs when opposing parties hold different goals, values, or interests, and this is a big deal. The relationship is adversarial, Maxwell¹ also stated, “two people who simply cannot agree on something, or a circumstance with only two viable outcomes.” Conflict in schools arises when a teacher feels undermined by a leader’s directive, when staff and administration clash irreconcilably over discipline and dress code issues, or when stakeholder groups believe their core values are being threatened. Unlike tension, conflict tends to require decision-making, clear resolution, and often changes in relationship dynamics.

Why the distinction matters for educational leadership?

As leaders, recognizing the difference gives leverage, not to win per se, but to be used for the better good. Tension can be a resource, it can spark innovation, foster growth, challenge assumptions. If handled skillfully, tension allows an educational organization to pivot, adapt its position, refine its practices, and embrace transformational change. This directly echoes Shapiro’s focus on a pivot mindset: leaders who recognize forces of change and adapt rather than resist. On the other hand, conflict, if left unmanaged, can escalate into a stalemate, toxicity, or systemic dysfunction… ultimately derailing educational goals and harming the culture. 

So, how do we square that circle?

Practical implication

Regardless of the setting, when a leader senses disagreement or discomfort, questions need to be asked… “Are we together, working toward the same aim but challenged by complexity?” This would be tension. Or, “Are we opposed, with conflicting goals and deteriorating relationships?” This would be a conflict. If it’s tension, consider open dialogue, redistribute roles, encourage idea collision, and frame the challenge as “we’re stretching to improve.” If it’s a conflict, you may need clearer decision-making, realignment of purpose, or even personnel-level intervention.

If tension is the stretch, then conflict is the clash. As an educational leader, you can acknowledge and harness tension to pivot forward and intervene when conflict threatens to compromise your mission. When you lead with that awareness, your school community cannot only survive change but thrive through it. But remember, in the end, a decision has to be made and not making one is a decision. 

¹ Conflict vs. Tension: Do You Know the Difference? – John C. Maxwell | October 2, 2018

As you step into your role today, remember that you are not just an educator and leader but a shaper of the future. Your actions and decisions profoundly impact the lives of those you guide. Go, be the great educator and leader that our future needs.

Remember… Think Leadership and Be For Others…

©2025 J Clay Norton

Want more Leadership Thoughts? Follow me on… X @thebookchamber or follow the blog directly.

“Don’t Just Tell Them Not to Forget… Tell Them to Remember”

17 Friday Oct 2025

Posted by in Culture, Educational Leadership, Intentional, Know Your Why, Leader, Leadership, Purpose, Remember, Value

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I am currently reading The Barn – The Secret History of a Murder in Mississippi by Wright Thompson. If you have not read the book, I highly recommend it. The book honors both personal heritage and the enduring lessons drawn from the story of Emmett Till that continue to shape the South’s identity and hope. On a personal note, as I mentioned to a friend the other day who is also reading the book, Chapter Two contains the best history of Mississippi that I have ever read or heard, encompassing many aspects of Mississippi history that I never learned in school. Throughout the book, a theme emerges that I keep seeing: “Don’t just tell them not to forget, tell them to remember.” As I reflect on this theme, I see how it highlights how often we tell people, “Don’t forget,” but rarely do we say, “Remember.” What a subtle difference, but a powerful one, especially in education and leadership.

“Don’t forget” is defensive. It’s a warning, a plea against loss. It assumes negligence and expects compliance. “Remember,” on the other hand, is invitational. It calls us to hold something sacred, to intentionally bring forward what matters most. One is about avoiding failure; the other is about preserving meaning. It’s about taking ownership of what we hold dear.

This idea of remembrance isn’t just philosophical, it’s timeless. Even in popular culture, echoes of this truth appear. In the movie 300, King Leonidas commands his soldiers, “Remember this day, men, for it will be yours for all time.” His charge was not merely about memory; it was about meaning. It was a call to anchor courage, sacrifice, and identity in something worth remembering. Later, as the lone survivor, Dilios fulfills his king’s final wish: “Remember us. As simple an order as a king can give. Remember why we died.” These lines capture the essence of remembrance as legacy, holding fast to what gives purpose to the struggle.

Educational leaders face this tension every day. General thoughts consist of… We are reminded not to forget deadlines, lesson plans, or data reporting, but do we invite educators to remember why they teach? We caution students not to forget assignments, but do we spend time helping them remember the joy of discovery, the dignity of effort, the wonder of learning? We are an integral part of this process, and our value lies within the core of how we help others connect their work to purpose. 

To “remember” is to root ourselves in purpose. It is to carry forward the lessons, values, and relationships that shape our work. I believe when we lead from a remembrance mindset, we help others reconnect with the “why” beneath the “what.” We help build and sustain cultures where the vision and mission are not just recited but recalled from personal experience, vividly and often. Remembering becomes intentional. 

This act of remembrance is also deeply rooted in Christian values at its core. Throughout Scripture, God continually calls His people to remember. “Remember the Lord your God” (Deut. 8:18). “Do this in remembrance of Me” (Luke 22:19). When we remember God’s faithfulness, we lead differently. We teach with patience, we listen with compassion, and we serve with humility. God knows that what we remember shapes what we value, and what we value directs how we lead.

So today, don’t just tell others not to forget. Tell them to remember. We all have the capability to instill this mindset in others around us. So, why not give it a try? 

So maybe the better question is not “What have we forgotten?” but “What must we remember?”

Remember the teacher who made a difference in your life, Remember the student who just needed one person to believe in them, Remember that education is a calling for you for our future, Remember who others are, Remember the One who called you, And in that remembering, remember to keep the heart of education alive…

As you step into your role today, remember that you are not just an educator and leader but a shaper of the future. Your actions and decisions profoundly impact the lives of those you guide. Go, be the great educator and leader that our future needs.

Remember… Think Leadership and Be For Others…

©2025 J Clay Norton

Want more Leadership Thoughts? Follow me on… X @thebookchamber or follow the blog directly.

Consider the Ant, You Sluggard…

03 Friday Oct 2025

Posted by in Christian Worldview, Commitment, Courage, Decisions, Desire, Educational Leadership, Growth, Know Your Why, Leader, Leadership, Purpose, Resilience, Value

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The other day, while playing tennis with Heather, we paused during a side switch. As we sat, I noticed a single ant on the ground. It was moving steadily but with no obvious direction, as if searching for something. I asked Heather, “I wonder what it’s looking for? Water? Food? Maybe other ants?”

And then it hit me: aren’t we all a little like that ant? Moving, striving, searching, sometimes without even knowing what we’re after. I immediately thought of the movie A Bug’s Life and its main character, Flik… His mission was straightforward: survival, nourishment, connection to the colony. For us as leaders, the search is less obvious but no less essential. We’re not just looking for tasks to complete or goals to check off; we’re looking for something deeper.

I believe that “something” can be summed up in three pursuits: purpose, growth, and belonging.

1. Purpose

The ant isn’t wandering for wandering’s sake; it’s on a mission. Likewise, leaders must define why we do what we do. Without purpose, our calendars may be full, but our impact will feel empty. Purpose is the compass that keeps us aligned, even when circumstances shift. When leaders connect daily work to a greater mission… improving lives, shaping culture, building people… teams gain not just direction, but meaning.

2. Growth

That ant was exploring, adjusting, and learning its environment… it was headed somewhere. Leaders, too, need that posture of curiosity. Growth comes when we ask better questions, seek feedback, and stay open to the unknown. It requires humility, but it also keeps us sharp. A leader who is always learning creates a culture where others feel safe to stretch, innovate, and grow.

3. Belonging

No ant thrives alone; they need their colony. Leadership is no different. We’re wired for connection, and belonging fuels both resilience and performance. Leaders who foster trust, inclusion, and genuine care build communities where people not only work, but also want to work.

From a Christian worldview perspective, this search ultimately points us back to God. Scripture reminds us that “Where there is no vision, the people perish” (Proverbs 29:18), true purpose begins with His calling. Our deepest growth comes not from striving, but from being “transformed by the renewing of [our] mind” (Romans 12:2). And real belonging is found in the body of Christ, where “though many, we form one body” (Romans 12:4–5). When our leadership is anchored in Him, our search is no longer restless; it becomes rooted, life-giving, and eternal.

So, what are we really looking for? The answer may be simple: clarity of purpose, commitment to growth, and a sense of connection and belonging.

The next time you find yourself in a reflective pause (I was just flat out tired and getting beat), whether on a tennis court, in a meeting room, or during a quiet walk, why don’t you ask yourself: What am I truly searching for right now? The way we answer that question shapes not only our own journey but also the path we light for those we lead.

As you step into your role today, remember that you are not just an educator and leader but a shaper of the future. Your actions and decisions profoundly impact the lives of those you guide. Go, be the great educator and leader that our future needs.

Remember… Think Leadership and Be For Others…

©2025 J Clay Norton

Want more Leadership Thoughts? Follow me on… X @thebookchamber or follow the blog directly.

Narcissism: From Decay to Destruction in Leadership.. Born of Selfish Pride

19 Friday Sep 2025

Posted by in Actions, Attitude, Character, Christian Worldview, Culture, Decay, Decisions, Decline, Disaster, Educational Leadership, Empathy, Facade, Humility, Influence, Narcissism

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C. S. Lewis, in some of his sermons and in Mere Christianity1, described pride as “the great sin.” Unlike other vices, pride stands in direct opposition to God because it refuses to acknowledge anything greater than itself. Yet it is important to distinguish between two forms of pride. A healthy sense of self-pride, rooted in the acknowledgment of God-given worth and responsibility, is not wrong. In fact, it equips leaders to carry their responsibilities with courage and stewardship. But… when pride distorts into selfish pride, it eclipses truth, humility, and service. Lewis noted that pride thrives in comparison; it is never content with being good or accomplished, but only in being better than others. Such pride blinds a person to truth and breeds contempt for those they are meant to serve. What Lewis made clear is that selfish pride is not just a character flaw; it is the root of spiritual decay.

Lewis’ warning about spiritual decay finds a striking parallel in leadership. I’m sure we all have our own definition of what narcissism is, but in my own summation, narcissism is an excessive preoccupation with self, marked by entitlement, a hunger for admiration, and a lack of empathy. I’ll go ahead and ask the question now, “Do you know anyone like this?”

In practice, this reveals itself not as guidance but as domination. A narcissistic leader seeks followers, not partners. They crave admiration rather than accountability. Instead of building others up, they drain their teams through manipulation and the constant need for validation. Over time, this dismantles trust. Where vision and service should flourish, control and fear take their place, creating a toxic environment. As Lewis warned, pride always leads to enmity… enmity between man and man, and between man and God. Ultimately, narcissistic leadership destroys the very community it was entrusted to grow. What often goes unseen is that narcissism is not born of strength but of insecurity… the louder the ego demands admiration, the weaker the foundation it is hiding.

This kind of destruction rarely begins with open arrogance; it begins quietly. We often hear that there is a fine line between ideas, ideals, and ideology, and just as the line between healthy self-pride and destructive selfish pride grows ever thinner, it is along that fragile divide that narcissism quietly takes root. True self-pride affirms God-given identity and responsibility, but selfish pride inflates the ego until it eclipses everything else, even the heart. That distortion gives birth to narcissism, and when it goes unchecked, it erodes the very foundations of leadership.

Yet having a Christian worldview foundation points us in a better way. Christlike, servant-based leadership offers a stark contrast: humility, service, and sacrifice. True leaders draw strength not from self-exaltation but from self-forgetfulness. As Lewis observed, “the truly humble man will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all.” Such leaders recognize their worth in God and extend that recognition to others. In this light, self-pride does not become arrogance but stewardship, the courage to carry responsibility without turning it into a throne, worshiped only by selfish pride, that only a narcissist can sit on.

When self-pride morphs into selfish pride, narcissism becomes the master. Leadership ceases to serve a higher purpose and instead serves only the leader’s ego. In that shift, both the leader and the community lose their way. Lewis captured it perfectly: “A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.” Leadership dies in the gaze of narcissism, but it flourishes in humility.

1Lewis, C. S. (1952). Mere Christianity. Geoffrey Bles.

As you step into your role today, remember that you are not just an educator and leader but a shaper of the future. Your actions and decisions profoundly impact the lives of those you guide. Go, be the great educator and leader that our future needs.

Remember… Think Leadership and Be For Others…

©2025 J Clay Norton

Want more Leadership Thoughts? Follow me on… X @thebookchamber or follow the blog directly.